<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Touches We Lost by Briallen</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637353">Touches We Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briallen/pseuds/Briallen'>Briallen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SKAM (France)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And he´s touch starved, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, He just needs hugs and cuddles, Lucas is in Love, M/M, Pining, cofession goes wrong, elu are just very touchy-feely friends, mention of mi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:07:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briallen/pseuds/Briallen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I´m in love with you, Eliott."<br/>The sentence is hanging in the air between them and Lucas´ breathing gets shorter and shorter with every second. Because he´s looking into Eliott´s eyes, watching his face, every little movement in there, watching carefully his reaction, but Eliott seems absolutely frozen, staring at Lucas without blinking.<br/>Lucas doesn´t know what to think. </p><p>Or: two touch-starved boys, love confession and a lots of hugs</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>168</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Touches We Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Me: *need to work on my new chaptered fic because i feel anxious that meanwhile someone else write the idea*<br/>Me: *need to finally finish the one-shot i have almost done for ages*<br/>Also me: *come with absolutely bright new one-shot hand-written it to my notebook in one afternoon*<br/>Me: yep, that works for me</p><p>Why am I like this...</p><p>Anyways, his guys, miss you, enjoy ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I´m in love with you, Eliott."</p><p><br/>
The sentence is hanging in the air between them and Lucas´ breathing gets shorter and shorter with every second. Because he´s looking into Eliott´s eyes, watching his face, every little movement in there, watching carefully his reaction, but Eliott seems absolutely frozen, staring at Lucas without blinking.<br/>
Lucas doesn´t know what to think. </p><p>Okay, yeah, maybe it was a little odd of him to say this, out of fucking nowhere. But it doesn´t change the fact that it´s true. He´s in love with Eliott. And, yeah, they are friends for such a long time, and Lucas is in love for longer than he can remember, and he would be totally okay with being just friend to Eliott, and he truly <em>was</em> okay with that, but then there was this one evening few days ago at Yann´s and boys were convincing Lucas to confess his feelings to Eliott. "He´s in love with you, bro," said Yann. "Yeah, it´s pretty obvious," said Arthur. "Yes, can´t believe <em>I</em> noticed sooner than you," added Basile. </p><p>So, here he is, after he and Eliott watched movie in the cinema and Eliott wrapped his long arm around Lucas´ shoulders as they were walking out of the cinema building and then down the street, Lucas stopped, stood in front of Eliott and said that, confessed. "I´m in love with you, Eliott," he said. </p><p><br/>
Lucas can´t breathe. Eliott is still looking at him, not saying anything. Lucas is not stupid, he knows what that means. He knows that if Eliott felt anything for him, he would already said that. Or smiled at him. Or anything, literally <em>anything</em> else instead of this heavy silence. <br/>
Lucas is suffocating, the air is gone. Why is the air gone? Where did it go? They´re in the middle of the street, literally, there should be air, but there´s none. <br/>
<em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>
Lucas just knows he fucked up. <br/>
He shouldn´t have done that. He shouldn´t have listened his stupid friends, they know nothing about Eliott and even less about his feelings. Lucas knows Eliott better than anyone so of course he would notice first if Eliott felt anything to him. <br/>
But he doesn´t. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about something what he could say to fix it, to take it back, he thinks about if anyone discovered the fucking time machine already or not yet, because he would use one, right now. <br/>
God. Lucas´ mind is in panic mode and he can´t find anything what he could use now, no words to make it better. So he says nothing. </p><p><br/>
Eliott moves. Finally. He shuts his mouth and swallows and frowns and shakes his head and Lucas wants to die. He wants to fucking <em>die</em>. Lucas´ eyes flick to the street if there´s bus or truck or literally anything big he could jump under, but the street is sadly empty. </p><p><br/>
"I´m...," Eliott says and coughs. "I´m not a- I have to go, I´m sorry," he turns around and leaves, quick steps with his long legs that it lasts few seconds before he´s so far away Lucas would have to sprint to catch up on him. <br/>
<br/>
Lucas doesn´t sprint. Lucas doesn´t move. <br/>
He´s looking after his leaving best friend, dissapearing in the distance, listening to the sound of his own heart, breaking inside his chest. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"I don´t get how this supposes to help you, Lulu," Yann says, holding Lucas around his shoulders in loosen grip. Lucas´ hugging Yann around his waist tightly, eyes shut, trying imagine that it´s Eliott on Yann´s place. </p><p><br/>
"I´m touch-starved, Yann," Lucas complains. When Yann´s talking, the imagine of Eliott dissapears like smoke. </p><p><br/>
It´s been more than a week since the fucking confession. Eliott didn´t say anything about it so Lucas didn´t mention it, either. They hang out with group of their friends, with boys and girls and all, but Eliott is obviously avoiding Lucas. They were used to spending so much time together. They were - just the two of them - together every day, even if only for a few minutes, exchanging hugs and soft touches and words, they were watching movies together every other day, cuddled on the couch under the blanket... And since <em>that</em> goddamn evening it´s all gone. <br/>
Eliott is avoiding him, he´s avoiding being in one room with Lucas, he´s not hugging him like he was used to before, he doesn´t brushing his hair or bumping their shoulders together, he almost doesn´t even looking at him when Lucas is talking to him. <br/>
They are very contact friends. Or, they used to be.<br/>
But not anymore. <br/>
Lucas misses Eliott´s long hugs, he misses his arm around his shoulders. He misses Eliott´s hand in his hair, he misses everything on what he was used to with Eliott and their friendship. </p><p><br/>
He´s touch-starved. As hell. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, you´ve always been touch-starved, since the very first day I know you," Yann says. "There´s nothing new about that."</p><p><br/>
"Yeah, see?" Lucas sighs, squeezing tighter Yann and also his own eyes. The imagine of Eliott is gone for good. "Eliott was giving me my daily amount of touches and hugs. And since he stopped, I need it from you."</p><p><br/>
"Why me?" Yann asks. </p><p><br/>
"Because your arms are long enough to remind me Eliott´s endless limbs."</p><p><br/>
"Yeah but why <em>me</em>?" Yann whines. </p><p><br/>
"Because it was you who were encouraging me to confess my feelings to Eliott and I did it and I fucked up and I lost him," Lucas voice trembles a little at the end. "It´s your damn fault."</p><p><br/>
"Jeez," Yann sighs, patting Lucas´ shoulder comfortingly. Eliott never pats him, he caresses him. Yann sucks in this. "I really thought he loves you, man..."</p><p><br/>
Lucas sighs, too. He won´t cry. <br/>
He <em>won´t.</em><br/>
Instead of it he hugs Yann tighter, shuts his eyes stronger before he lets go of his friend and steps away. </p><p><br/>
"This is not working," he says. "Eliott is taller and warmer."</p><p><br/>
"Wow, thanks, man," Yann snorts. </p><p><br/>
"I miss him," Lucas whines. "I miss him so much. I shouldn´t ever said that."</p><p><br/>
"So what, you would keep torturing yourself forever?" asks Arthur. "You would keep loving him quietly only from afar?"</p><p><br/>
"Yes," Lucas responds in unhappy voice. He would. He would, because now it just sucks.</p><p><br/>
"That is pure torture for your heart, Lulu," says Basile. </p><p><br/>
"I don´t care," Lucas mumbles. "Now my heart is broken."<br/>
It <em>is</em>. And it hurts so <em>bad</em>. </p><p><br/>
"Isn´t it better that now you know where you stand in this?" asks Arthur. </p><p><br/>
"No," Lucas grumbles. </p><p><br/>
"Isn´t it better to know for sure and have the situation clear?" asks Basile. </p><p><br/>
"No."</p><p><br/>
"You can get over it and find someone new," adds Yann.</p><p><br/>
"I don´t want anyone new, I want him!" Lucas says out loud what is obvious. He only ever wanted Eliott. Always. And now it´s all <em>gone</em>. With snap of his fingers. And he misses him <em>so much</em>. </p><p><br/>
"But he doesn´t want you!" Arthur yells that few people passing by turn their heads to look at them. <br/>
Great, now everyone will know that Lucas is unwanted by the only person he ever wanted. <br/>
Just <em>great</em>. </p><p><br/>
Yann shoves Arthur´s shoulder. "What the hell, man...," he says quietly for Lucas to not hear it, but Lucas hears it, anyways. And he knows, he <em>knows</em> that Eliott doesn´t want him like <em>that</em>. He knows that his confession was highly uncomfortable for Eliott and it´s more than clear enough for Lucas to understand that Eliott does <em>not</em> feel the same. <br/>
Eliott´s keep avoiding him since that evening, the message is pretty clear for Lucas. But still, it hurts like slap to his face, hear it like this, spoken out loud. It hurts like hell, the thought about person with whom Lucas felt the most comfortable, is now uncomfortable because of him.</p><p><br/>
"Yeah...," Lucas mumbles, his shoulders drop, head hanging low. "Yeah, I know."</p><p><br/>
"Lulu, I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to-," Arthur starts.</p><p><br/>
"No, no, it´s... it´s true, right," Lucas rubs his eyes, not meeting his friends´ gazes. "I´m, uh... I´m gonna go home... thanks Yann, for the hug."</p><p><br/>
Lucas turns around and goes. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Another week passes, this time with zero Eliott.</p><p><br/>
He wasn´t on their game night with boys, he wasn´t at their wednesday coffee meeting with girls, he wasn´t anywhere around campus when Lucas was looking for him and none of their friends saw him, either. <br/>
The last thing Lucas wanted was to keep Eliott away from their friends. Lucas´ friends are Eliott´s friends. And, of course, Eliott has Idriss and Sofiane and Alex, but Lucas never wanted to steal their other friends for himself. He never wanted from Eliott to avoid not only him, but also all the other people who care about him, just because of Lucas. </p><p><br/>
Lucas comes home from his afternoon classes, changes into sweatpants and hoodie and hides his head under the blankets. Maybe a few tears fall from his eyes and soak to the pillow. Maybe more than just a few. <br/>
He´s trying to sleep, but, of course, he´s thinking about Eliott. He´s thinking about how Eliott would just go home with him and they´d be cuddling while watching some movie and Eliott would run his fingers through Lucas´ hair and Lucas would fall asleep and Eliott would cuddle him all the time, because that´s what they were used to be doing all the time, that was their <em>normal</em>. <br/>
He should have just stay quiet. He was lucky enough that Eliott chose to be his friend and Lucas ruined that. Lucas lost it, just because it wasn´t good enough for him and he wanted more. <br/>
<em>Fucking hell. </em><br/>
It´s always better to have Eliott in a way he´d let him, than not having him at all. <br/>
Not having him just sucks. <br/>
And hurts. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Mika´s voice sounds from the door. "Are you okay?" </p><p><br/>
"No," Lucas doesn´t peek out of the mountain of blankets. </p><p><br/>
"Do you need anything?" Mika asks, sitting on the edge of Lucas´ bed, taking the blanket away from his head, looking at him with worry. <br/>
He knows about what happened with Eliott. He was the one who knew first, when Lucas came home that evening, shaking, with broken heart and fell apart in Mika´s bedroom. And it´s worse because Mika works with Eliott in the bar, they´re coworkers so Mika is allowed to see him now more often than Lucas is. <br/>
It fucking <em>sucks</em>. </p><p><br/>
"Maybe some cuddles?" Lucas asks and sniffs. He misses Eliott. He´s fucking touch-starved, don´t judge him!</p><p><br/>
Mika, of course, doesn´t judge Lucas at all. He crawls to Lucas´ bed, spooning him from behind like Eliott used to do that.</p><p><br/>
"Better?" Mika asks after some time. </p><p><br/>
It´s not better. Eliott is taller, his shoulders wider, his arms longer and his body radiates more warmth. But it´s so kind and nice from Mika, that Lucas just says "Thanks," and lets himself be held. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Another two weeks-without-Eliott later, guys burst to Lucas´ room, pull him out of bed and drag him to the party at Emma´s. Lucas didn´t want to go, he was grumpy and tired and touch-starved so much he wanted to cry. <br/>
So he didn´t bother to changing his clothes and went to the party in his black sweatpants and blue hoodie, threw himself on the couch and there he is, now, head resting on Emma´s shoulder, arms wrapped around her middle, eyes closed, trying to imagine he´s sitting there with Eliott. <br/>
He´s pathetic. </p><p><br/>
"Wow, I just now realized how much of a favor Eliott is doing to us with handling you, Lucas," Emma says and pats Lucas´ shoulder. Imagine of Eliott is gone - Eliott <em>never</em> patting Lucas. "You´re just a human coala baby."</p><p><br/>
"Shut up and hug me," says Lucas, shutting his eyes tighter. </p><p><br/>
"Where even is Eliott?" Emma continues. "I saw him when he arrived but that was hours ago. I thought you´re always attached by hip," she pokes Lucas´ chest.</p><p><br/>
Lucas stirs. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott came?" he asks, lifting his head, looking at Emma, who frowns at Lucas, confused. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah? How so you don´t know? I thought you two are unseparable."</p><p><br/>
Lucas ignores her and stands up to look for Eliott. He needs to find him and apologize, he needs to say whatever to fix it. He needs Eliott back. His arms feel so empty. His chest feels tight. He doesn´t remember the last time he could breathe in ease. <br/>
He feels on the edge and he needs Eliott to hug him and tell him that it´s going to be okay, everything. He needs him. <br/>
He needs his friend back, whatever it takes. </p><p>He can´t sleep at night, he doesn´t have a moment of peace. </p><p><em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>
Lucas walks up and down and outside around the house and inside through every room but Eliott is nowhere to be found. He was looking for him for more than half an hour and he didn´t find him anywhere. <br/>
So, either he already left or he´s now a literal pro in hiding from Lucas. </p><p><br/>
After another 15 minutes Lucas gives up and goes home. </p><p><br/>
He didn´t even drink anything tonight, he came, found Emma on the couch, trapped her inside his arms and then he was sulking in self-pity for the rest of the night. It´s not even that late when he arrives to his flat, so he finds it empty, because everyone is at the party. Even Lisa, who never leaving her bedroom if she doesn´t have to, even she is at the party, Lucas saw her with Mika. <br/>
Lucas is in no mood for partying. He wants to hide himself in blankets, listening some dubstep to feel like he´d be with Eliott. </p><p><br/>
He´s so fucking pathetic...</p><p><br/>
Lucas takes a shower, long and hot, then he put on some sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirt and goes back to his bedroom, drying his wet hair with a towel, when he stops in his track. </p><p><br/>
"What the f-," Lucas breathes out when he sees Eliott there, sitting on his bed. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Eliott says, shuffling awkwardly on the bed before standing up. </p><p><br/>
"How did you get in?" Lucas asks, absolutely shocked he sees Eliott here, after weeks of silence. Lucas doesn´t know what to do with himself, because he can´t believe Eliott is really truly <em>here</em>, in his room, and he´s talking to him, just the two of them, when he was avoiding him for so long, hiding behind other people in the room or leaving immediately when there was a chance to be with Lucas alone. <br/>
Weeks. <br/>
Whole <em>month</em>. </p><p><br/>
"I have a key, remember?" Eliott says with a little smile. Yeah, Lucas gave Eliott spare key if he ever needed anything, and Lucas has the key from Eliott´s flat, too, but he was never brave enough to really use it. "I was knocking but noone was answering the door, so I..."</p><p><br/>
"Uhm... Yeah, I was in the shower, sorry, didn´t hear it," Lucas says, running his hand through his wet hair. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, I wanted to talk to you...," Eliott starts, looking distressed. Lucas gets automatically worried, seeing him like that. </p><p><br/>
"Are you okay?" he asks, stepping closer. </p><p><br/>
"Y-yeah, yes, I´m-," Eliott lets out breathy laugh. "Yes, I´m just...," he exhales with closed eyes. "Lucas, I´m sorry."</p><p><br/>
Lucas frowns, confused. "What-"</p><p><br/>
But Eliott´s lifted hand shuts him up. "Just, let me speak for a minute. Please?" Lucas nods and Eliott breathes in and out, collecting his thoughts - as Lucas knows him. <br/>
"I´m sorry for that evening," he says and Lucas´ breathing stops. He knows exactly what evening is Eliott talking about and he´s not sure if he can handle another rejection. "I´m sorry, I should have said something else than I did, I should have said something absolutely different, actually...," Eliott laughs again, it sounds a little exasperated. He runs his hands through his hair, tugging for the strands. <br/>
Lucas almost feels the softness of Eliott´s hair between his own fingers. <br/>
"The thing is... you said you´re in love with me," Eliott continues, looking at Lucas and Lucas looks down, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. </p><p><br/>
Yes, he <em>knows</em> what he said, he remembers that moment when he fucked up his life with ruining everything between them. </p><p><br/>
"And it just felt so... so <em>real</em>, you know? It felt so real and so official and... I got scared, because I-I´m too... too <em>much</em>, sometimes, and I know, I <em>know</em> you don´t mind about me being bipolar, like, at all," Eliott says and Lucas shakes his head. He doesn´t mind and he never did, he just loves Eliott as a whole person. And if that´s part of him, he´d be loving that part, too. "I know that and I´m not doubting you. I just sometimes... feel a little insecure?" he looks at Lucas like he´d need him to understand. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t. <br/>
He doesn´t understand shit. <br/>
This is so confusing, he doesn´t understand why Eliott´s telling him this now. So he stays quiet and listens. </p><p><br/>
"I know you never made me feel bad about my bipolarity - or about anything, really - and you´ve been through a lot with me, already. But it doesn´t change the fact that I´m doubting myself, all the damn time, and I also know that you feel like that about yourself, too-"</p><p><br/>
True. Nobody was ever so unsure about themselves as Lucas is about himself. </p><p><br/>
"-but you said- you said you´re in love with me and it´s... it´s such a huge thing and I had to think, <em>again</em>, about if I am willing to put it all on you - all what I am. So I took that time to think it through. I kept my distance and I... I´ve been avoiding you and I´m so sorry for that, Lucas."</p><p><br/>
Lucas knows, there´s nothing new in that. Eliott has been avoiding him for a month and truth is, it was the worst month in Lucas´ life since he met Eliott. And it still hurts. </p><p><br/>
"But then I saw you hugging Yann and Arthur and Baz... and even Emma," Eliott huffs. "And then Mika came to work and he was talking about how you are great person to cuddle because you´re so tiny and soft-"<br/>
<em>Damn Mika.</em>... Lucas frowns even more. "-and the thing is I <em>know</em> that, you know?"<br/>
Lucas knows. <br/>
"But the main thing is that all the time I just wished it would be me."</p><p><br/>
Wait, <em>what</em>? <br/>
Lucas looks up at him and Eliott´s watching him with desperate eyes. </p><p><br/>
"All the time I saw you hugging boys or Emma or when I heard Mika talking about cuddling you... All the time I wished it´d be me who would be hugging you and cuddling you and... touching you like that."</p><p><br/>
So, Eliott is either saying that he´s as touch-starved as Lucas is, or-</p><p><br/>
"What I´m trying to say is that I am in love with you, Lucas."</p><p><br/>
Lucas stares, then stares some more. </p><p><br/>
"And you said that to me all those fucking weeks ago and it felt so real and I panicked and I took my time to think about it and then I had short episode," Eliott rolls his eyes and Lucas felt uneasy with the tought he wasn´t there for him, "and then I was afraid it was too late and you´d hate me by now."</p><p><br/>
Lucas would <em>never</em>. He shakes his head but Eliott has still something to say and Lucas can´t interrupt him and maybe... maybe he doesn´t want to. Ever. </p><p><br/>
"But tonight I saw you with Emma on the couch and I wanted to be on her place, so much. And then you were gone, so I ran here and... yeah, here I am, standing in front of you, telling you that I´m in love with you, Lucas, so much, I... I <em>love</em> you and I love your cuddles and hugs and everything...," Eliott sits on the bed again, like he´d be exhausted after his speech, and Lucas absolutely understands now. </p><p><br/>
Fuck. <br/>
He fucking understands that Eliott is fucking in love with him. <br/>
<em>Holy shit. </em><br/>
He can´t breathe. </p><p><br/>
"Please say something," Eliott begs in quiet voice. "Am I too late?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas lets out long breath. His arms itching. "Can I finally hug you, now?" he asks carefully and Eliott exhales with blinding smile, his eyes bright. He opens his arms. </p><p><br/>
"Yes, please."</p><p><br/>
And Lucas goes, crawls to his lap, legs locked around his waist, arms around Eliott´s neck and hugs him tightly, closing his eyes, biting his bottom lip to stop the smile, but it´s impossible because this is such a relief. <br/>
He feels Eliott´s long arms hugging his middle, his face burried between Lucas´ neck and shoulder, the warmth his body radiates and he feels the relief spreading through his whole body. This is the best feeling ever, he wants to cry. </p><p><br/>
"God, I missed you so fucking much," Eliott says, his voice quiet and muffled by the fabric of Lucas´ t-shirt. Lucas shivers, Eliott hugs him closer. </p><p><br/>
"Missed you, too," he whispers. </p><p><br/>
"I didn´t realize I´m so touch-starved until I didn´t have you to hug every five minutes."<br/>
And <em>god</em>, Lucas feels that. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah," he mumbles, pressing the smile to Eliott´s skin. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Eliott says and pulls away to lock their eyes, foreheads touching. "I really am sorry for running away like that... and for avoiding you."</p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," Lucas says and it really <em>is</em>. It doesn´t matter now, not anymore. <br/>
They are <em>here</em>. Lucas´ arms feel full, they have finally something to hold onto. </p><p><br/>
"I love you," Eliott says and Lucas closes his eyes with a smile. He´ll never get used to hearing that from Eliott. He feels like he can finally breathe, here in Eliott´s embrace. They stay like that for a minute. "You can say that too, you know," Eliott says cassualy and when Lucas looks at him, he beams, his eyes sparkle. </p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head. "I can´t."</p><p><br/>
"Why not?" Eliott´s smile drops. </p><p><br/>
"You´ll leave me again," Lucas says, it´s less than a whisper. </p><p><br/>
The fear is <em>there</em>. Last time he said that out loud, Eliott left and stayed away for weeks. Lucas thought he lost him forever. He doesn´t want to feel like that again. He knows it´s ridiculous, but he can´t stop the heavy feeling inside his chest. </p><p>But Eliott shakes his head, hugs Lucas closer, one hand coming up to cup the side of Lucas´ face. </p><p><br/>
"No," he says, caressing Lucas´ cheek softly. "No, I won´t leave you, I won´t, I promise."</p><p><br/>
Lucas looks down, shuffling on Eliott´s lap. His palms start sweating. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, look at me," Eliott says and Lucas looks up. "I love you," Eliott says, unblinking, his eyes looking at Lucas like he´d see right into Lucas´ soul. "I love you, I won´t leave you, not again, I promise."</p><p><br/>
Lucas swallows the lump in his throat. He decides that he... he believes him. He believes Eliott and he´ll gladly give him his heart, again, let him take care of it or break it once more, whatever. It always was and always will belong to Eliott, anyways. </p><p><br/>
"I love you, too," Lucas says eventually, hates how his voice sounds so small, but then there´s Eliott, smiling brighter than the brightest diamond, before he surges forward and connects his lips with Lucas´.</p><p><br/>
Lucas, to be honest, wasn´t ready for this, at all. <br/>
He was dreaming about Eliott´s touches, about his hugs, his caressing and brushing and cuddling and he never thought about Eliott´s kisses. <br/>
And, god, what kisses are those. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s kissing the same way he´s hugging. Warm, gentle, with so much care and so much love and Lucas, same as in Eliott´s hugs, he wants to get lost in his kisses, too. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s cupping Lucas´ face, his thumbs caressing Lucas´ cheeks and jawline and neck, fingers slipping into his hair and Lucas shifts closer, tangles his fingers to Eliott´s hair, and really, they are as soft as Lucas remembers. </p><p><br/>
Eliott falls backwards on the bed, pulling Lucas down with him, and Lucas goes, he always goes. And he´s not sure if he´ll ever let go of this boy, now, when he finally have him and when he´s allowed to hold him, touch him, <em>kiss him. </em></p><p><br/>
They pull away to catch a breath and there´s Eliott, looking at Lucas like he´s the reason why stars shine so bright and there´s Lucas, looking at Eliott like he´d bring him those stars on a golden plate. </p><p><br/>
"I love you," Lucas says, this time in steady voice. He´s not afraid. He´s not. </p><p><br/>
"Not as much as I love you," Eliott grins and pulls Lucas into another kiss, and another and another. </p><p><br/>
He´s not afraid. He´s <em>not</em>. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
They´re in Lucas´ bed, curled under covers together, closer and tighter than ever before, their limbs interwined. Eliott´s arm is holding Lucas close to his heart, his hand in Lucas´ hair where it belongs. Lucas, as he said before, could fall asleep like this. <br/>
And he probably will, any minute. He´s holding Eliott around his waist, other hand on Eliott´s neck, caressing the skin there and his jawline, sometimes his fingers slip to Eliott´s hair just to feel the softness again. The smile on his face is just permanent thing now. And it gets wider and wider every time he feels Eliott´s lips on his forehead or in his hair. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Eliott says after a while. Lucas hums, his hand slips to the back of Eliott´s neck. "We have to stay like this for at least two months, now, to make it up to ourselves for all these touches we lost."</p><p><br/>
Lucas pulls himself up to lay his head on the pillow next to Eliott, foreheads touching, his hand travels to Eliott´s cheek. Lucas physically can´t stop touching this boy and god, he doesn´t even feel ashamed for that. </p><p><br/>
"Agree," he whispers happily and giggles when Eliott brushes their noses together. </p><p><br/>
"Deal."</p><p><br/>
"Deal." </p><p><br/>
"Love you."</p><p><br/>
He´s not afraid. <br/>
<em>He´s not.</em> </p><p><br/>
"Love you, too."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>ig art account: briallen.art</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>